We all have secrets, things we would rather hide from the world and some we just feel comfortable keeping to ourselves because of how awkward they may sound to others. Secrets make us human and the day we stop having something to hide, that’s the day we stop being human. We are fallible and imperfect, prone to mistakes and shortcomings which are the undeniable manifestation of our flaws… Sigh! That introduction seems somewhat too serious so lemme loosen up a bit [laughs]…
The “confessions of a college kid” write up is just an avenue to expose some of the crazy, creepy, silly, hilarious and embarrassing things we did and still do in college. It’s funny how most of you would be able to relate to some or perhaps most of the things I would write about.
The term ‘undercover virgins‘ may sound new to you but when I shed some light I’m sure it would bring back some memories. Undercover virgins are people who have never had sex before but make others believe they are good at it, or professionals at the activity. This is mainly common among guys because the weight of dignity society has placed on the shoulders of a girl wouldn’t give her the liberty to brag about such. In college it was the other way around for the females. A girl could be better than Kim Kardashian in bed, indulged in more sexual intercourse than the girls of the playboy mansion and even had more D’s under the sheets than in her WAEC result and yet still claim she is as holy as the Virgin Mary.
Most guys wouldn’t admit this but the truth is many boys were once undercover virgins. Don’t lie, you at one point told a girl that you were a pro in bed when in reality you were a complete amateur, never seen a vagina before except that biology class on reproduction you took, or the pornography you were able to lay your hands on. These virgin boys go undercover to intimidate the opposite sex with their fake sexual prowess and pose as bad boys because girls find that attractive and less boring.
I had this virgin friend who went undercover just to impress some lady. It worked out pretty well for him because she was really buying all the expensive lies he had to sell. She was extremely impressed with all the sexual endeavours and ferry tales he cooked up for her and this aroused her appetite. She got tired of listening and wanted to him to practice all he had been preaching. She had high expectations for she had him on some sorta pedestal along side other great sex icons like Scott Disick, kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian and Tiger Woods. She expected versatility for he bragged about how he had mastered all the strokes and positions in the book…. Back stroke, breast stroke, front stroke, this stroke, that stroke, and all strokes (laughs)… She was completely wowed, yearning to partake and wanted not just a little piece but the whole package with nothing omitted.
She called him one Saturday to come over to her place that her parents were out for a wedding and she was all alone at home. My friend was totally caught unaware and had no way of taking a rain check or generating a creative lie because, he had told her earlier he was free for the weekend. This boy was as nervous as a newly acquitted prostitute on her first night on the job. He was sweating profusely as though he had ebola at the advanced stages. What happened that day buried and put all the necessary nails needed to seal the coffin and bury his social life forever because, she told everyone in school how lame and amateur his sex game was.
Anyways I don’t blame her for ruining him because my friend came in 15 seconds (laughs)…. Its like preparing, making up, dressing fly to go see a movie you’ve been anticipating to be awesome only find out that it wasn’t just boring, but was also really short and a total waste of quality time. At least his undercover stuff finally got him laid even though it destroyed what’s left of his social life. I know there are many undercover virgins out there and some would probably be reading this. All I can say is “one day Bush meat go catch the hunter”.
source: 247parolz
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